I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
