You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
Randomize
