Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
