his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
i dont even know how to be here
How does "I'm not drinking tonight" turn into body shots?
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
Randomize
