after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
I fucked her with a giant balloon tied to my dick. You tell ME how my night went
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
Randomize
