Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
KNEE DEEP IN HOES. SEND HELP.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Working from home has been great for my sex life! A few of my neighbors are in open marriages and several more wish they were!!!
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