and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
I have tasted many bathrooms
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
Randomize
