Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
shes still here... layin in my bed watching a beyonce concert on tv drinking leftover franzia straight outta the bag and crying
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You can't just drop that I might be walking into a foursome and leave it at that
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I mean, drunk me really liked him, maybe sober me will too. Who am I to deny fate?
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize
