I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
