I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
is it possible that there's a used condom holding pennies in my bra? I'm so confused on what happened last night...
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
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