Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Boobs have been pretty central in my life somehow lately which makes me question if I am truly gay
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
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