The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
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