His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I vaguely remember ordering a water at some point last night. It's good to know drunk me can still be responsible.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
