the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Randomize
