I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
checking your phone to see who you drunk dialed last night isnt as funny when you see you had a 17 minute call to your dad.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
I will show up on your front porch in a wet t shirt and some mac and cheese
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
i told him the only way i'd fuck him was if he saved me during the zombie apocolypse and took me to a tastefully decorated yet impenetrable hideout.
Randomize
