I wanna bring you to show and tell
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
i out mim tonsoeep
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
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