Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
I was sitting behind this girl in class and she logged out of her facebook, hacked into her boyfriends, and then proceeded to check his inbox. This is why I'm single.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
MIDGETS
????
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
The fact that I’m not married yet means there are millions of lucky girls out there who have dodged a bullet
Randomize
