Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
When i look at that picture of him, i'm a little proud to be like yeah, his dick was in my mouth saturday no big deal.
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
Let's be honest, I've seen a decent amount of dicks in my life and very few of them have been worth all the trouble.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize
