you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
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