get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
There are empty beer cans all over and the go-kart is missing. I need it for my halloween costume.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
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