So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Is it wrong that I want to do a nude photo shoot with nothing but a light saber?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
It's important to establish I slept with her BEFORE we officially became cousins-in-law.
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
HE LEFT ME THE DAY AFTER I LET HIM PEE ON ME. If you date him after that, I'll leave the fucking PLANET.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
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