mom just said that her bf is good in bed. fml.
i am watching a movie about a vagina with teeth and then you sent that to me while im eating sushi.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Damn. That makes sense
I know im like the sherlok holmes of sexual problems
I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Randomize
