i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
I just noticed that pic of your cock has a Christmas tree in the background. It's July.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
but, alas, I am not the lady in the streets. I'm simply the freak in the sheets.
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
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