We were having sex on the balcony and this guy walked by, so drunkily i said "dont move, he cant see us if we dont move."
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
As long as I don't spend the half the week passed out/fucked up on Klonopin and no one dies, this will be the best week I've had all semester.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
This Halloween will be different. I'm just here to get shitfaced, not troll around looking for slutty nun pussy.
I'm gonna make some noodles and go to bed. Hopefully I don't fall into the stove or something.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
You cannot ask her to resend the picture of her genital tattoo to you just so you can show your room mate. it is time to end your relationship with the Captain.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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