she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
he wouldn't shut up and let me sleep
yeah i got into a fight with my man last night
why can't men just shut up and put out?
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
I wish buying curtains was as easy as buying drugs. I already KNOW what I want and what the outcome will be: awesome.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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