Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
