just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
I gave him blue balls & ate the last slice of pie so the chances of a second date are slim...
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Randomize
