Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i blew a .213 what kind of thug blows the compton area code exactly? this guy
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I have bruises from doing the splits on the poles, if that doesn't scream bourbon street regret then I don't know what does
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
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