im six kinds of drunk right now
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
I wish they'd wear their tampons on the outside. At least gimme some warning
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
Randomize
