this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Have you ever seen an entire lecture hall fist pump? It's magical.
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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