I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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