Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
We have such limited time together he literally sends me text messages that are like "I sent my roommates on an impossible quest, we have 15 minutes." it's that bad.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
What time is our conjugal visit?
Umm...who is this?
Randomize
