dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Regardless, you never quit out of your interenet. You left your porn on the living room comp. Then you passed out four feet from the chair with your hand still down your pants. We decided that we should go back to her place instead. Worlds best wingman.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
I am convinced that after two dates and a few adult sleepovers that he still doesn't know my name.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
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