Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I'm recovering from the blowjob...She's doing her taxes...
I love how u said nothing about the sidewalk sex but refused shower sex
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
