You admitted to me in secrecy that you want to jerk off a unicorn.
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
explain the broken jalepenos in my underwear drawer?
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Should I be scared that after we hooked up she took antibiotics with Sailor Jerry's?!
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
