It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
Next time we're there I want drunk pics of us trying to ride the stone lions downtown. Don't even attempt to fight me on this.
You are very nonchalant about the high probability of us having an orgy.
Eh, I'm ok with this, this can work. We're the best kind of the worst people.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
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