Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
I woke up with no pants, someone elses shirt, but my new years crown still on. That is dedication.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
