I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
my nose is crying tears of wow.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
