This beer is not sobering me up at all
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
He just said he was the Jesus of alcoholics.
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Remember how he wouldn't sleep with me "out of respect"? Well, Mr. Respect just fingered me in a parking garage.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Dude just walked up to me, gave me his number and said, if this number ever calls its my penis,better keep that one handy. I cant lie its the best pick up line ever, im calling his penis.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Randomize
