Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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