last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
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