if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
You keep asking me questions like I have this magical thing called a memory
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
Randomize
