i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
My cat gives me a boner
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
You came in at two thirty, wearing your underwear and a tie then asked where you could find a sombrero and a pair of stilletos that would fit your men's size thirteen feet.
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
Hey Im running from the cops. hiding in a bush. when you're approaching the intersection honk the horn twice and I will come out.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
