i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
Life lesson today, a six foot hot guy I meet at a party CANNOT fit on my bike with me.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
i was giving head the other day and thought of your all penis tastes the same quote and couldnt stop laughing
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
i think my cat just said my name.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
