i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
