We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
she called my cock the "semen sword" and then we invented a position called excalibur
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
He doesn't want a full on relationship, he provides me with all the weed I can handle and gives me multiple mind blowing orgasms. He's my soul mate.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
