why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He said bring my breathalyzer and Anna's pepper spray, I didn't ask questions
I had sex with him in the back of my car in a duck onesie. I'm worth something dammit.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
