Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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