I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
