I fell asleep with crest white strips on and ate one...
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
Also this is super embarrassing but sorry for licking your chest
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
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